The Great Recovery

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue


October 6th 2020

Dear Boris, 

I feel great, just great. I thought you would like to know. I’ve recovered more quickly than anyone, I probably know more than anyone about recovery. Really. The doctors all said how great I am doing and they had never seen anyone recover so quickly as I have. 

So what’s all the fuss about? I’m over 70 and I’m still here, so what’s the beef? You recovered, our friend Jair (‘The Brazilian Nut’ as I like to call him) recovered…we have all recovered and doing fine, just fine. We have to keep upbeat, keep positive and not let the doctor dooms of this world get us down. What do they know anyway? All they got is their ‘science’ ‘research’ and ‘medicine’ but I think you can cut through the bullshit and focus on what’s important. 

No, not pussy. Although, I have to admit Melania is getting a bit older now, and you know what that means, right buddy? Some things get better with age, others just wrinkle and dry. I’d prefer wine to prunes any day, know what I’m saying? When this is over I’m throwing a party at Mar a Lago and grabbing some younger hotter pussy. Join us? Vlad, Jair and Xi and popping over, as are Kanye and Kim (great ass by the way). 

What’s important is that we both can lead the nations of the world to prosperity and purity. We gotta sort out between us how to run the world so that the kooks, the poofs, the Yids and the rag head goatfuckers know they can’t push us around. Vlad’s ok, Xi has his own Empire going nicely and Jair is getting on making Brazil modern, taking it out of the medieval mind swamp and loser country that it has been. I encourage him to send in his own General Custer to cure Brazil of the ‘indigenous monkeys’ that call themselves humans in the forests. What have they given to the world over 3000 years or more? How to eat a coconut? How to make a suit out of guano? Pan Pipes? Mozart would not have written the 1815 Overture if all he had was a stick up his nose. Give me a break. 

Our countries need us, you and me. We are what keeps the whole damn ship afloat. We are destiny’s men. We breath positivity and vitality and a few viruses (which we beat by the way).

I’ve met Rupert and told him I’d make it worth his while if he ran a few stories about Uncle Joe’s wandering hands. Yeah, ok that pussy grabbing comment did not hurt me, so you’re thinking that stories about Joe touching up ass will not hurt him either. Whatever, it’ll get folks talking about the rights and wrongs of titty grabbing rather than hoax climate change and coronary virus deaths. It’ll send the Woke into a deep spiralling frenzy of outrage; they’ll be spitting their organic tofu breakfast cereals over their faux hemp sandals and writing to the cultural marxist New York Times to complain that tits and ass should never be grabbed without written permission and three weeks notice of intent. Yeah, right.

So you might see a few headlines in your country as well as mine about ‘Groping Joe’ and the Epstein parties he ‘went’ to. Everyone likes a story about sleaze and drugs, even if they ain’t true? Old Roops was great about it, really great. He winked and let me know that we can work together, to have a good deal…a really great deal. The best deal. 

I have to go now, the oxygen bottle is running low and I gotta take a long piss in a short time.

Oh, yeah, right, Melania says to ask ‘Is Boris fully ok?’ I’m sure you are buddy.

Donald J Trump

The Greatest US President (Ever).

Published by Lance Goodman

Freelance writer, bon vivant and all-round good oeuf.

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